Jonah Goldberg and the 'deer'

In his latest 'G-File', pajamaboy/schoolboy Jonah Goldberg recounts the event that caused him to suffer a head wound and several body wounds. He tells his audience that he was run over by a deer.

Here's what happened: Jonah, distracted from his smartphone, barked at a stranger like Marie Antoinette barking at a servant, and the stranger proceeded to beat his ass in the darkness of the early morning hour. Jonah's injuries are consistent with a) getting his ass knocked down, and b) getting kicked numerous times once he was on the ground.

What is Jonah's story (which he had to make up since his injuries are visible and he couldn't hide out for several days)? He says he was knocked over by a running deer.

The problem with his story (and these kind of ad hoc story lies always have simple problems like this that reveal their fakeness) is this deer apparently could discern a *closed* gate from the rest of the long metal fence the gate was a part of. Now, keep in mind, for the purposes of Jonah's story *the gate has to be closed.* Because the deer powers through the closed gate just as Jonah is walking up to it, thus it is the gate that hits Jonah and not some stranger who cavalierly kicked his pajama boy ass.

So what are the odds the deer is going to run full speed into the fence right where the closed gate is? Deer don't know closed gate from fence. What are the odds the deer is going to run full speed into the fence to begin with? And then he says that even though the deer knocked the hinges clear off the gate (his photo doesn't seem to verify that) the deer nevertheless ran off into the morning darkness unhurt. Which makes him conveniently unavailable to be interviewed by Breitbart.

So if the gate wasn't free-swinging that deer would have been hurt, but the deer didn't exist.

The only positive thing that might come out of this is a pajamaboy who gets his ass kicked might wake up and become something resembling an adult; but as I write that I'm thinking, no, no chance a #nevertrump schoolboy pundit will ever change. Nothing changes those types. They alter reality to defend themselves against such potential changes...