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2.18.2013

"You need to join a church."

You need to join a church.

OK.

Just don't join the Roman Catholic Church.

Got it. I understand that much.

Or any Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church.

Right. You have to drink Coke out of actual glass bottles in those churches.

Or any of the mainstream, 'seven sisters' churches.

Understood. Lesbians running the show there. New Age philosophy in place of biblical doctrine.

Also, stay away from the Pentecostal and charismatic churches.

No problem. Don't want anyone washing my feet. Not that it would feel bad. Also, don't ever want to have to pretend I can talk in tongues. Whatever that is.

Eastern Orthodox Church is not a good idea either.

They're almost as bad as the Roman Catholic Church. Understood.

Also, there are a lot of weird legalist churches out there. Stay away from them.

Cultish.

There are also nutty ecumenical churches that don't want to offend anybody but actual Christians.

I don't like their happy talk, no problem.

And stay away from the mega churches.

Consumerism, worldly entertainment, health and wealth doctrine, impersonal...

As for Reformed stay away from the Federal Vision ones. They teach heresy.

I'm on to them. Don't like them either.

Or the ones that want to turn the nation into a theocracy.

I see their barbed wire compounds, and I walk the other direction.

And don't join any nutty house church operations.

They turn into dens of swinger sex usually.

OK. So... Join a real Reformed church. There, I said it.

You mean like Presbyterian? Isn't that one of the 'seven sisters' mentioned above?

There are also churches with the name 'Reformed' in them.

Where they teach the heresy of Federal Vision?

Not all of them do.

How many churches are we left with here. What kind of number.

Probably six.

Are they regionally spread out at least?

I think their may be one within 650 miles of you.

Do they teach the unbiblical doctrine of infant baptism and use Bibles based on constructed 'critical texts'?

Maybe we can find you a Reformed Baptist church. You might have to travel an extra hundred miles or so.

Do they use critical text Bibles?

Probably.

...

It's pretty much a mess, isn't it?

Yes, it is. We can always be Grail Knights though...

10 Comments:

Anonymous monax said...

c.t.,

i came over to check on you, and after reading this i can't stop laughing.

i have to share this.

funny stuff bro

February 24, 2013 at 11:56 AM  
Anonymous monax said...

http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2013/02/17/should-we-repent-for-allowing-ourselves-to-be-spiritually-abused/comment-page-3/#comment-8790

February 24, 2013 at 1:15 PM  
Anonymous Ang said...

As I see it, that pretty much says it all!!! And I agree! And be sure and don't go to those New Apostolic Reformation. They usually hide the fact that they are NAR until they have all your $$$.

February 24, 2013 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger c.t. said...

Hi, monax and Ang. Thanks for the compliments. I went over to Julie Anne's blog too. I tried to comment, but ran into the Wordpress sign-in thing. I didn't know my password.

Remember, I *am* a bit of a rage-aholic (and not proud of it!). So separate the wheat from the chaff (as always).

February 24, 2013 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger c.t. said...

Ah, I see my comment went through over at Julie Anne's blog.

February 24, 2013 at 3:13 PM  
Anonymous monax said...

ct, i would like to repost this on my Spiritual Authority blog if you'll permit.

February 24, 2013 at 5:40 PM  
Blogger c.t. said...

Certainly. I'm flattered!

February 24, 2013 at 6:16 PM  
Blogger c.t. said...

On rage-aholics, I'm currently reading a bio of Calvin where in one part Calvin's personality and style is described as being very gentle and nice when engaging people in person (compared to his writing at times), and I can relate to that.

February 24, 2013 at 6:18 PM  
Anonymous monax said...

wasn't the Apostle Paul like that?

humble face to face, but bold in letter?

February 24, 2013 at 7:00 PM  
Anonymous monax said...

thanks, ct.

http://spiritualauthority.wordpress.com/2013/02/24/you-need-to-join-a-church/

February 24, 2013 at 7:12 PM  

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